I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
