whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
