An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
