Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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