Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
