what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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