He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
