I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
