I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
