Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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