Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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