so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
