that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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