I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
