You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
