used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
