Please, let me fuck your mom
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
