you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
and she was petting her beer can
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
