I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm always down for nudity.
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