sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
