Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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