i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
