So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
