In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
