Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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