Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
