im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
