She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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