i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
