Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
