hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
