i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
