You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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