Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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