I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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