next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We need to get me chipped asap
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
