Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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