Just cropdusted the office
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
