Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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