i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Everything about him screamed your future.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
