She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
