He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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