How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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