Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
