I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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