Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
