The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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