sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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