Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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