I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
