just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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