In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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