is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
